Humor Like Stuff...
While avoiding doing other things I decided to go and put up a few emails I've recieved that I consider, well funny. Feel free to send me your contributions (either humor stories or financial re-enforcement). If I like it (the story) I'll post it (I'll pocket the money regardless). Last update was 02/20/04 and I'm not caught up. [308 Stories]
Stories appear in multiple categories. I should make it absolutely clear that I in no way vouch for the acuracy, legitamacy, or truth in any of these documents. I have not directly altered any of the text, some documents have [ed....] marks added in response to comments people have sent me.
Computers
- Toasters
- Boosh Virus
- If Operating Systems Were Beers...
- Encryption Brings Down Democracy
- In the Beginning...
- Programming Languages are like Women
- HAL 9000: A Problem in the Making
- Top Ten New Intel Slogans For The Pentium (Dated...)
- You know you've been on the computer too long when...
- Diagnoses by Computer
- IBM Marches On
- All I Really Need to Know, I Learned on the Internet
- Good Times Virus Update
- Redneck Computer Lingo
- Movie Laptops
- Geekonics
- Wife 1.0
- The Shiftkey FAQ - Version 0.001
- Tech Support for Etch-A-Sketch
- FeMail
- WordPerfect Tech Support
- Year 2000 Parable
- Silicon Valley Speak
- Gullibility Virus
- Computer Poem
- Computer Illiterate?
- Information Superhighway
- The Internet Explained
- Primitive Tech Support
- Phone Tech Support No-No's
- Tech Support Transcript
- Haiku Error Messages
- Top 10 Reasons Why E-Mail is Like a Male Reproductive Organ
- Computer Acronyms
- Undocumented Windows Error
- The C Source Code for Microsoft Windows
- The Programmer's Caste
- The Engineer, The Computer Scientist and the Toaster
- Helpdesk from Hell
- Top 10 things likely to be overheard if you had a Klingon on your software development team:
- Real Programmers Don't...
Science
- Letter from the Smithsonian
- Polynomials
- Changes to the Space Shuttle for John Glenn
- The Top 15 New Names for the Mir Space Station
- Santa Physics
- Heaven is Hotter Than Hell
- Is Hell Exothermic or Endothermic?
- Air Force Denies Stories Of UFO Crash
- Neuro-Darwinism
Technology
- History of the Rail Gauge
- Encryption Brings Down Democracy
- Just Piss on It
- The Top 15 New Names for the Mir Space Station
- The Viagra Line of Drugs
- Top 10 Signs the New Mir Computer is Running Windows 95
- If Microsoft Built Cars.....
Engineers
- God and the Devil discuss an Engineer
- Comprehending Engineers
- Marooned Engineer
- Four Engineers and a Broken Car
- You Might Be An Engineer If....
Microsoft
- Ways things would be different if Microsoft was headquartered in Georgia
- What if Data (from "Star Trek, The Next Generation") were Microsoft Windows compatible?
- Microsoft Panhandler v1.0 (Beta)
- Bill Gates in the Afterlife
- The Borg vs. Microsoft Windows
- Undocumented Windows Error
- Top 10 Signs the New Mir Computer is Running Windows 95
- Microsoft TV Dinner Installation Instructions
- The Secret of Bill Gates Success
- Have Yourself a Microsoft Christmas
- If Microsoft Built Cars.....
- The C Source Code for Microsoft Windows
- Brussels Police Department
Programmers
- Programmer's Drinking Song
- Programming Languages are like Women
- Year 2000 Parable
- The Programmer's Caste
- The Frog and the Software Engineer
- The Engineer, The Computer Scientist and the Toaster
- Quality Control
- Top 10 things likely to be overheard if you had a Klingon on your software development team:
- Real Programmers Don't...
Urban Legends
- Idiot Sightings
- Bar Translation
- Naval History - Wooden Ships and Iron Men
- Beer Complaint
- Course Description for COM 666 - Principles of Intoxication
- Real Country Song Titles
- 58 Actual Newspaper Headlines
- Signs and Notices
- Subtitle Fu
- Real Officer Fitness Reports
- Letter from the Smithsonian
- Mr. Gorsky Gets Lucky
- Historical and Etymological Origins of an Infamous Anglo-Saxon Gesture
- Workman's Comp
- History of the Rail Gauge
- A supposedly true Christmas story from Down Under...
- Encryption Brings Down Democracy
- Team Darwin Awards
- The Darwin Awards
- Stupid Criminals
- Bright Bankrobber
- The World According to Student Bloopers
- Navajo Wisdom
- More Urban Legends
- McDonnell Douglas Warranty Card
- Darwin 97
- Peals of Wisdom from fromer Vice President Danforth Quayle
- Consider these curious facts
- Lawyer Quotes
- More Court Quotes
- Humor in the Court
- Legal Etiquette
- Town Election Decided By Poker Hand
- True Stories of the Highway Patrol
- Childrens Impression of Love
- Online Romance Gone Wrong
- Strange Sex Laws
- Actual announcements taken from Church Bulletins
- An Honest Letter Home
- Bennington College Class of '97 Commencement Address
- Is Hell Exothermic or Endothermic?
Fiction
- Bulwer-Lytton Contest Winners
- Harry Potter fans warn against dangerous effects of Bible
- You Might Be a Redneck Jedi If....
- Your Starship Captain just might be a redneck if....
- AD&D Creature Stats for Barney
- The XMas-Files
- Breaking News from Seasame Street
- Top Ten Reasons Why Star Wars Kicks Star Trek's Ass
- The Star Wars Drinking Game
- Top 10 Starfleet Academy Classes
- If Dr. Seuss wrote for Star Trek: the Next Generation...
- Life Lessons from Melrose Place!
- Life Will Not Be Like Star Trek
- Babbling On 5-O
- Problems in Vulcan, Alberta
- The True Story Of The Three Little Pigs
- Charlie Brown Specials
- HAL 9000: A Problem in the Making
- What if Data (from "Star Trek, The Next Generation") were Microsoft Windows compatible?
- The Borg vs. Microsoft Windows
- Top 10 things likely to be overheard if you had a Klingon on your software development team:
Holiday
- Christmas Innerancy
- Christmas Stamps
- Groundhog Cheney
- Moving Christmas Story
- Politically Correct Santa
- Barbie's letter to Santa
- A supposedly true Christmas story from Down Under...
- The XMas-Files
- Santa Physics
- Have Yourself a Microsoft Christmas
Religion
- Marooned
- Why we invaded Iraq
- God and the Devil discuss an Engineer
- Christmas Innerancy
- College Life
- What Would Journey Do?
- Christmas Stamps
- Pascal's Game Show
- Moses Story
- Thelonious my old friend
- School Prayer
- Teetotaling Nun
- Bumper stickers
- Unanswered Prayers
- A pagan in heaven
- Two Beggars
- Letters To God From The Dog
- Fun things for Non-Christians to do in church...
- Jerusalem Funeral
- HMO Review
- The French Connection A new frontal attack
- A Star in the East
- Don't Rush
- Religious Sects
- Why can't I own Canadians?
- Org. Religion vs. Org. Crime
- Harry Potter fans warn against dangerous effects of Bible
- Purgatory
- The Catholic way to motivate your kids
- Strange Sex Laws
- Actual announcements taken from Church Bulletins
- Godly Economics
- New Priest
- New and Improved Commandments
- Army of the Lord
- The Sermon
- Church Dabbles in the Horses
- A Scandal of Biblical Proportions
- Media Reports of the Apocalypse
- Heaven is Hotter Than Hell
- Is Hell Exothermic or Endothermic?
- In the Beginning...
- Bill Gates in the Afterlife
- The Secret of Bill Gates Success
Regional
- The Alabama Jumper
- Driving
- Know Your State Logo
- You Might Be a Redneck Jedi If....
- You might be a Yankee if...
- Things You Wouldn't Hear a Southerner Say
- Don't Squat With Yer Spurs On, A Cowboy's Guide To Life
- Real Country Song Titles
- Washington Rules
- Your Starship Captain just might be a redneck if....
Gender
- Martha Stewart vs Real Women
- The drink does the talking...
- It Aint Easy Being a Man
- Classes For Men
- Marital Bliss?
- The Moral
- The 5 Toughest Questions Women Ask - And Their Answers
- men - Secret Language Decoded
- Women - Secret Language Decoded
- Gender Dictionary
- 100 Reasons It's Great To Be A Guy!
- Programming Languages are like Women
- Wife 1.0
- FeMail
- Top 10 Reasons Why E-Mail is Like a Male Reproductive Organ
Corporate
- Dilbert Quotes Contest
- Marketing
- Lesson for corporate executives
- Top 20 Office Inspirational Sayings
- Marina
- HMO Review
- Funny Airline Announcements
- Applicant Speak: What They Say and What They Mean
- Brilliant Customers Of Travel Agents Everywhere
- How It Begins
- Lesson in Finance
- Workman's Comp
- 25 Thoughts To Get You Through Any Crisis
- Special High Intensity Training
- Performance Review
- Immutable Laws of Project Management
- English to Work Dictionary
- 12 Tips from Junior Employees to Senior Managers on How to Enhance their Relationship
- How to Keep a Healthy Level of Insanity in the Workplace
- Honest Job Application
- Generation X Office Lingo
- Performance Evaluations
- Excuses For Missing Work
- Washington Post Interview Survey
School
- College Life
- School Prayer
- Classes For Men
- Course Description for COM 666 - Principles of Intoxication
- Valid Excuses
- The World According to Student Bloopers
- The Top 16 Chelsea Clinton Pet Peeves About College
- The Catholic way to motivate your kids
- An Honest Letter Home
- Response to a MIT letter
- Why God Never Got Tenure
- The College Food Chain
- You Might be a Colledge Student
- 49 Fun Things to Do on the First Day of Class
- Bennington College Class of '97 Commencement Address
- Signs of Semester Burnout
- Top 10 Starfleet Academy Classes
Philosophy
Relationship
- 12 Reasons Gays Shouldn't Be Allowed to Marry
- It Aint Easy Being a Man
- Last Wish
- Who's the Daddy?
- As I've Matured
- Ultimate Pickup Line
- Classes For Men
- Marital Bliss?
- An Easy Birth
- All You Need To Do To Get The Job Is...
- Dictionary of Dating
- Childrens Impression of Love
- The 5 Toughest Questions Women Ask - And Their Answers
- Gender Dictionary
- 100 Reasons It's Great To Be A Guy!
- Marriage Decisions
- Condom Packages
- Life Lessons from Melrose Place!
Sex
- The drink does the talking...
- Marketing
- Who's the Daddy?
- Ultimate Pickup Line
- Valid Excuses
- Shooting
- Two Rednecks
- Good, Bad, Worse
- Bill and the Pickle Factory
- The Gift
- Proxy Fathers
- Sexual Tension Quiz
- Online Romance Gone Wrong
- 100 Reasons It's Great To Be A Guy!
- Ill Gotten Gifts
- Condom Packages
- Purgatory
- Strange Sex Laws
- Corporate Condom Slogans
- The Viagra Line of Drugs
Alcohol
- The drink does the talking...
- Programmer's Drinking Song
- Teetotaling Nun
- Drunk speak
- 5 Stages of Drunkeness
- If Operating Systems Were Beers...
- Bar Translation
- Naval History - Wooden Ships and Iron Men
- Beer Complaint
- Course Description for COM 666 - Principles of Intoxication
- Signs That You Are Too Drunk
- Rating Your Party
- A Real Beer
Government
- 12 Reasons Gays Shouldn't Be Allowed to Marry
- Why we invaded Iraq
- Bush
- Medical One-Upsmanship
- What a long strange trip..
- Bush: "Dad Left Wallet in Iraq"
- The French Connection A new frontal attack
- Groundhog Cheney
- Bush, Helms, Tony Blair, & Colin Powell
- Axis of Evil
- Bush Rests Comfortably After Surgery to Implant Pacemaker in Brain
- Boosh Virus
- Washington Rules
- Real Officer Fitness Reports
- Encryption Brings Down Democracy
- Peals of Wisdom from fromer Vice President Danforth Quayle
- Bill of No Rights
- Consider these curious facts
- The Top 16 Chelsea Clinton Pet Peeves About College
- Top 11 Clinton Excuses
- White House Intern Application
- The State of the Union That Clinton Should Give...
- Town Election Decided By Poker Hand
- Clinton's Driver
Law/Crime
- Bias
- Org. Religion vs. Org. Crime
- A supposedly true Christmas story from Down Under...
- Stupid Criminals
- Bright Bankrobber
- Bill of No Rights
- Speeding Tips
- Lawyer Quotes
- More Court Quotes
- Humor in the Court
- Legal Etiquette
- True Stories of the Highway Patrol
- Strange Sex Laws
Translation
- Drunk speak
- Bar Translation
- Signs and Notices
- Subtitle Fu
- men - Secret Language Decoded
- Women - Secret Language Decoded
Quotes
- Dilbert Quotes Contest
- Andy Rooney Blurbs
- Hospital Administrator
- Collected Quotes
- Deep Thoughts Contest
- Some Bright Quotes
- 58 Actual Newspaper Headlines
- Feel Smarter -- Instantly!
- The World According to Steven Wright
- Peals of Wisdom from fromer Vice President Danforth Quayle
- Lawyer Quotes
- More Court Quotes
- Humor in the Court
Lists
- 12 Reasons Gays Shouldn't Be Allowed to Marry
- Strict, Unbending Rules For Dealing With Stray Cats
- Top 20 Office Inspirational Sayings
- Stray Cats
- Headlines for the Year 2050
- Bulwer-Lytton Contest Winners
- Ten puns, too good not to share...
- You might be a Yankee if...
- Signs That You Are Too Drunk
- Things You Wouldn't Hear a Southerner Say
- How To Stamp Out Telemarketing...
- Don't Squat With Yer Spurs On, A Cowboy's Guide To Life
- Real Country Song Titles
- Washington Rules
- Your Starship Captain just might be a redneck if....
- Collected Quotes
- Truisms
- Canonical List of Full Deckisms
- Things You Don't Want to Overhear Over an Airline P.A. System
- Some Things to Think About
- Top 15 Problems Encountered Along the Olympic Tourch Route
- "Mike Tyson Excuses"
- Very Thin Books
- Children's Books That Were Banned Last Year
- Real Bumper Stickers
- You're Between a Baby Boomer and a Gen X'er If...
- Some Interesting "A" Words
- The Canonical List of Answering Machine Messages
- Are you feeling old? If not, consider this
- Things You Would Never Know Without the Movies
- You Know You're Drinking Too Much Coffee When.....
- The Top 100 Things I'd Do If I Ever Became An Evil Overlord
- The Facts of Life
- How to "Irritate" Other People
- Signs
- Deep Thoughts Contest
- 10 Words That Don't Exist, But Should
- Some Bright Quotes
- 58 Actual Newspaper Headlines
- Feel Smarter -- Instantly!
- The World According to Steven Wright
- Team Darwin Awards
- The Darwin Awards
- Darwin 97
- Peals of Wisdom from fromer Vice President Danforth Quayle
- Speeding Tips
- Gender Dictionary
- Actual announcements taken from Church Bulletins
- Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road
- Media Reports of the Apocalypse
- Why God Never Got Tenure
- You Might be a Colledge Student
- 49 Fun Things to Do on the First Day of Class
- Signs of Semester Burnout
- 25 Thoughts To Get You Through Any Crisis
- English to Work Dictionary
- 12 Tips from Junior Employees to Senior Managers on How to Enhance their Relationship
- How to Keep a Healthy Level of Insanity in the Workplace
- Generation X Office Lingo
- Performance Evaluations
- Corporate Condom Slogans
- Excuses For Missing Work
- Washington Post Interview Survey
- Top Ten Reasons Why Star Wars Kicks Star Trek's Ass
- Top 10 Starfleet Academy Classes
Other
- Pool Party
- Headlines for the Year 2050
- If Airlines Sold Paint
- A Few Shorts
- Hospital Administrator
- The Parrot
- Confessions of a Heavy Thinker
- The heart of our defense revisited.The heart of our defense revisited
- Soap Opera
- Boot to the Head
- And now back to Bob Costas
- Frequently Asked Questions About Health Care
- World's Easiest Quiz?
- What's for Lunch
- Cat Bathing As A Martial Art
- Split Second Thinking
- New Diet
- Diary of a Snow Shoveler
- The Spice Girls Application Form
- Trip to Poland
- An Amish Miracle
- The Mob Job
- A Letter Home From Camp
- Amazingly Deep Thoughts